Queen Elizabeth II’s parenting was ‘devoted, but ‘old-fashioned’

Queen Elizabeth II held many titles over the course of her 70 years on the throne, but the one of “mother” was often overshadowed by her duty to the crown.

Royal expert Robert Hardman describes the late Queen as a “devoted” — albeit “old-fashioned” — mother to her four children, whom she shared with Prince Philip.

“I think there’s a tendency among some people to sort of apply the norms of modern parenting to the way she brought up her children,” the author of “Queen of Our Times: The Life of Elizabeth II” explained to Page Six of parenting criticism the monarch received over the years.

He went on, telling us that though Elizabeth would leave eldest son Prince Charles and his sister, Princess Anne, for long stretches, her absence was considered normal at the time.

“This was a wartime generation of people who had been separated from their families. Not for a few weeks or months. In many cases for six years,” he said, adding that in post-war Britain children who had both parents “were considered quite lucky.”

queen elizabeth and prince philip with their four children
Queen Elizabeth II’s role as a mother of four (from left: Charles, Andrew, Anne and Edward) was often overshadowed by her other titles.
POOL/AFP via Getty Images

“A lot of children were missing at least one,” he continued.

Charles — who ascended the throne on Sept. 8 when his mother passed away at age 96 — was born on Nov. 14, 1948. By all accounts, Elizabeth was besotted with her newborn.

According to Sally Bedell Smith’s biography, “Elizabeth The Queen,” Her Majesty marveled to her cousin Lady Mary Cambridge about Charles’ “fine, long fingers” and breastfed him for two months until she came down with a bout of measles.

Princess Elizabeth with Prince Charles as a toddler.
Elizabeth often left Charles in the care of his grandparents.
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Nearly a year later, Philip — then a naval officer — was posted to Malta and Elizabeth was advised that the European isle wasn’t suitable for the infant prince.

“Elizabeth could have stayed in London with her son, but she decided instead to spend as much time as possible with her husband,” Smith wrote. “She had been accustomed to long parental absences while she was growing up, so her decision to leave Charles wouldn’t have raised eyebrows.

1965:  Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip at Windsor Castle with their children, Prince Charles, Princess Anne, Prince Andrew and little Prince Edward.
The Queen was a more relaxed mother with Andrew and Edward.
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“She had expert nannies in charge, not to mention her own parents, who were eager to keep their grandson company.”

Philip and Elizabeth spent Christmas in Malta while Charles stayed with his grandparents, King George VI and Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother, at Sandringham Castle in the UK.

At the end of December, she flew back to England but stopped first for several days in London, with a quick detour to Hurst Park to see one of her horses win a race. After that brief equine interlude, she was reunited with Charles after five weeks apart.

The royal family at Buckingham Palace, London, 1972. Left to right: Princess Anne, Prince Andrew, Prince Philip, Queen Elizabeth, Prince Edward and Prince Charles.
Prince Charles was 12 when his youngest brother Prince Edward was born.
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Another example of how the Queen’s cold relationship with Charles was commended by the public came shortly after his third birthday.

The young prince greeted his parents — along with his grandmother and aunt Princess Margaret — at a train station after they returned from a US visit. While she hadn’t seen her son for over a month, Elizabeth rushed to kiss her mother but “simply leaned down and gave [Charles] a peck on the top of his head before turning to kiss Margaret,” Smith wrote.

Queen Elizabeth II and her husband Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, with their children Princess Anne, Prince Charles (right) and Prince Andrew on his first holiday to Balmoral. 8th September 1960.
Her duty to the crown often trumped her duty to her children.
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“Britain’s heiress presumptive puts her duty first,” a newsreel announcer said at the time. “Motherly love must await the privacy of Clarence House.”

Charles was 3 years old when 27-year-old Elizabeth suddenly became the Queen of the United Kingdom and the other Commonwealth realms in February 1952. Anne, who was born in August 1950, was just 18 months old at the time.

prince edward and queen elizabeth
Prince Edward completed their family.
Getty Images for Commonwealth Ga

Smith wrote that the children’s lives were “spent mainly in the six-room nursery complex on the second floor of Buckingham Palace.”

On weekdays, according to Smith, Charles and Anne would come downstairs after breakfast for a brief playtime with their parents and did not see them again until the end of the day when they would have a “final romp.”

queen elizabeth and prince andrew
Prince Andrew has long been thought of the Queen’s favorite child.
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The Queen, however, did do away with one archaic practice of the crown, which required formal bows from her children when they entered a room she was in.

The monarch also moved her weekly meeting with the Prime Minister from 5:30 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. — a change from her father’s schedule — in order to spend time with her children.

Charles’ friends who spoke to Jonathan Dimbleby for an authorized biography in 1992 said the now-king had a lonely childhood with emotionally distant parents.

queen elizabeth and prince charles laughing
Elizabeth loosened up as she settled into her role as the Queen.
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Friends who spoke with Charles’ permission described the Queen as “not indifferent so much as detached.”

By the time Prince Andrew was born in February 1960, the Queen was settled and much more confident in her position.

She had always dreamed of a large family but had postponed it because she wanted “to concentrate on establishing herself as an effective monarch,” Smith wrote.

Queen Elizabeth II presents Prince Charles, Prince of Wales with the Royal Horticultural Society's Victoria Medal of Honour during a visit to the Chelsea Flower Show on May 18, 2009.
Prince Charles appears to have forgiven his mother in recent years.
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And with the arrival of Prince Edward four years later in March 1964, the family was complete.

“The Queen became a more relaxed and consistently engaged mother with her second set of children,” Smith noted. “Some critics have questioned whether she indulged Andrew and Edward too much, making up for not having spent more time with her older children.”

Although she was not a demonstrative mother, she showed more of her playful nature with Andrew and Edward.

Royal expert and author of “A Royal Life,” Hugo Vickers, told Page Six that “with the younger two, she was much closer. She was able to dictate her time much better and spend more time with them.”

In this undated handout photo provided by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Britain's Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip with their great grandchildren, from left, Prince George, Prince Louis, Savannah Phillips (standing at rear), Princess Charlotte, Isla Phillips holding Lena Tindall, and Mia Tindall. Britain's Prince Philip, the irascible and tough-minded husband of Queen Elizabeth II who spent more than seven decades supporting his wife in a role that mostly defined his life, died on Friday, April 9, 2021.
The Queen was, by all accounts, a doting grandmother and great-grandmother.
AP

Vickers remembered being at school near Windsor Castle and often seeing the Queen holding hands with Prince Edward as they went for a stroll.

“There was more time at bath time and all that sort of thing,” he noted.

The Queen was an even better grandmother and great-grandmother, according to Vickers.

kate middleton, queen elizabeth
The young royal family members adored the Queen.
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They “all adore her,” Vickers told us, adding that she had a particularly close relationship with Edward’s daughter, Lady Louise Windsor, who shares her love of horses.

In recent years, even Charles seemed to realize the sacrifices his mother made for the monarchy.

During the Platinum Jubilee celebrations in June 2022, he thanked his “mummy” for a “lifetime of selfless service” and noted that she had continued “to make history.”

Charles also spoke highly of the late ruler when he made his first public address as king the day after his mother’s death, which he called “a moment of the greatest sadness.”

“We owe her the most heartfelt debt any family could owe to their mother for her love, affection, guidance, understanding and example,” he said during the emotional speech.

king charles first public address
Charles appeared somber in his first public address as king.
Reuters

Similarly, Princess Anne recalled fond memories of Her Majesty in the wake of her passing.

“[Vacations were] probably the times she most enjoyed,” Anne said during a BBC broadcast. “Probably because it included the things she enjoyed… the countryside, the horses and just being out and about.”

And when British Prime Minister Liz Truss spoke to King Charles III the day after the Queen died, he expressed a sentiment that many understood: “[Her death is] the moment I’ve been dreading… but we try to keep everything going.”

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